They give pre-pubescent boys something to doodle during schooldays, fair-weather fans something to mount on their car windows following a Saturday victory, die-hard fanatics something to proudly tattoo their very bodies with, and shameless grown men something to paint over their hairy beer-bellies on the weekend. They give your team an identity.
So, if logos are so important, and teams devote valuable time, money, and research into creating them, why are some of them so...lame?
If you're waiting for an answer, I don't have it. But what I can give you is a comprehensive list of the lamest logos in sports.
*If a logo includes an animal mascot playing a sport, it has automatically been included in this list. No exceptions.
MLB:
The Lamest:
New York Yankees: Despite having classic uniforms and a timeless team crest (on their caps), the actual logo is embarrassing. I feel like I'm at the 1852 Whig Party National Convention. Really? An over-sized Uncle Sam top hat perched atop a baseball bat? Way too over-stated and outrageously over the top.
Honorable Mention:
- Arizona Diamondbacks: One of baseball's newest franchises boasts an already-outdated, Sante-Fe-style "A" circa 1992.
NFL:
The Lamest:
Miami Dolphins: So stupid. Classic example of having your animal mascot actually taking part in your respective sport. Here we have a goofy dolphin sporting a football helmet. Do I really need to say anything else? The lack of a facemask would explain why this sea mammal is so timid on the gridiron. You do have to admit that this particular porpoise does have a chilling grimace though. Yet it still manages to come across as painfully dorky and astonishingly un-intimidating.
Honorable Mention:
- Minnesota Vikings: Harley biker complete with outlandish helmet, legit handlebar mustache, and nappy hair braids or authentic Nordic viking? You be the judge.
- Tennessee Titans: What is that thing?
NBA:
The Lamest:
New Orleans Hornets: More athletically-inclined wildlife here. This time it's a grinning discolored cartoon bee (with the word "NOLA" proudly tattooed across his chest) wearing sneakers and in mid-dribble. Pathetic. The mystery remains as to the whereabouts of his other two legs.
Honorable Mention:
- Toronto Raptors: Now that's what I call a power forward! The Canadians take the ballplaying mascot to a whole new level with the roaring and long-extinct rare Pointguardasaurus wearing a generic "R" jersey that can only be found in commercials on the backs of endorsing athletes. Growing up, this socially outcast dino wasn't the most popular on the playground – "Way to go, Rex! You popped the ball again!" Note that mere human basketball sneakers cannot contain his vicious claws
- Boston Celtics: The NBA's most iconic team has an ironically poor icon. I will point out, however, that at least this balling mascot is non-beast. This smug, winking Irishman is showing off his mad coordination skills by spinning the ball atop his finger. I have to think, though, that his scraggly cane, clovered top hat, and albino pipe would certainly get in the way on the court.
- Washington Wizards: Ooh, a creative one! A mythical, no-footed, bearded "W"-man simultaneously casting a spell and shooting a basketball one-fingered beside yet another basketball that is mysteriously crescent-shaped.
Closing Thoughts:
While the NBA has the worst all-around logos of the three major sports, the Dolphins leap into first place for the lamest overall logo.
Your thoughts are welcome on this matter.
